We put the cat on a diet this week. We had no choice in the matter. Wednesday was National Dietitian Nutritionist Day, and when these guys living healthy at all costs show up — calorie counters in hand and insisting you eat cardboard for the rest of your life because fiber is good for you – all protests fall on deaf ears. Take it from us. These food cops are meaner than Nurse Ratched. Luckily, since Thursday was National Blueberry Popover Day, everything quickly returned to normal.
Except for the cat.
In case you haven’t noticed, you can’t find basic cat food anymore. In fact, the only thing left on feline shelves these days is the caviar-rich ‘Eau de Mew’ brand, topped with freshly caught lobster and crab with a hint of truffle on the side. In boxes so small, you need an electron microscope to see them, and at a bargain price of $10,000 a teaspoon. This is why the recycling bins are no longer stuffed with cardboard.
Morris eats it instead.
Pet food isn’t all that’s impossible to find. Canned food, eggs, meat, milk and baby formula are all also in short supply. But there’s something else that’s also poised to go the dodo bird’s way — in Michigan anyway — if a state legislator has his way.
Not too long ago, then-Secretary of State Ruth Johnson lost $80 million on a voting machine upgrade that brought Michigan out of the Stone Age. by scrapping and replacing the antiquated Windows XP-based voting equipment that the state had been using for a decade and a half. with a new, state-of-the-art, next-gen system designed to last at least until 2028. But now that she’s a senator, that’s not enough. Instead, the Holly Republican insists that any voting equipment the state buys from now on must be made only in the United States. Just a small problem.
Such an animal does not exist.
That’s right. No company can build 100% domestically-made tabulators — a fact the senator readily acknowledges. This means that if his plan becomes law, the vote would be illegal, as imported parts and components will be banned. A small price to pay to maintain the integrity of elections. After all, you never know what infamous evil these French rivets are preparing for. Or those foreign-made LCD screens that say “vote accepted” on the display. It’s probably a secret code.
For “Let’s go, Putin”.
But where these tabulators are made – as long as they’re rigorously tested and properly certified – should be the least of anyone’s concerns. The much bigger problem? Ballots. Or more precisely, its absence.
A myriad of factors are to blame: the plummeting number of North American factories where ballots are produced, soaring paper costs, and labor shortages in transportation that have transformed from orders that were once filled in days or weeks to orders that take months to fulfill. . Add to that the growing number of mail-in ballots that need to be distributed in a timely manner and it’s no wonder election administrators are already wondering if their supply this year will be enough to meet demand.
And wonder how many people will be disenfranchised in August and November.
On the plus side, there are plenty of cards that can be used as replacement ballots, even if they cannot be fed into the machines. There is only one downside. City clerks should keep them after the election in case there is an audit. For 22 months. Which means we’ll soon have an even bigger problem to deal with.
With everything locked up, what are we supposed to feed the cat?
Talk Back with Doug Spade and Mike Clement is heard every Saturday morning from 9 a.m. to noon EST on Buzz 102.5 FM and online at www.dougspade.com and www.lenconnect.com.